Quotes Funny (1229 Designs)

Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude... My personality is who I am My attitude depends on who you are

A penny for your thoughts seems a little pricey

My five moods

I look at people sometimes and think, for real? That's the sperm that won.

I have selective hearing. Sorry you weren't selected today.

If you don't want a sarcastic answer, don't ask a stupid question.

I am a multitasker. I can listen, ignore & forget all at the same time.

I'm not clumsy. It's just the floor hates me, the tables and chairs are bullies, and the walls get in my way.

You find it offensive. I find it funny. That's why I'm happier than you.

Common sense is like deodorant. The people who need it most never use it.

I don't know how to act my age. I've never been this old before.

I have selective hearing. Sorry, you weren't selected today. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.

Nope. Not today. Tomorrow's not looking good either.

My level of sarcasm depends on your level of stupidity.

Some people just need a pat on the back.

You read my shirt! That's enough social interaction for one day!

I’m not clumsy just the floor hates me the table & chairs are bullies and the walls get in my way

We are more than bfs we are wtfs weirdos together forever

I don’t live my life to please anyone. i don’t care what anyone thinks. if you don’t like me, don’t talk to me. problem solved!

I love hard but i hit harder it’s your choice unconditional or unconscious

She’s cute but she’s meaner than a one eyed water moccasin that just got smacked with a flip flop

I made it through the day without beating anyone with a chair i’d say my people skills are improving

I’m trying to stop being mean but it’s like ya’ll have to stop being stupid first

My kids accused me of having a favorite child which is ridiculous because my grandbaby is my favorite

If i’m spoiled it’s my boyfriend’s fault because he treats me like a queen

Back off i have anger issues a serious dislike for stupid people and a mouth i can’t control

Hold my halo i’m about to do unto others as they have done unto me

i never dreamed i'd grow up to be a super cool dad of a freakin' awesome daughter but here i am living the dream

I MAY NOT BE ** RICH ** AND FAMOUS BUT I DO HAVE AN AWESOME DAUGHTER SHE IS SMARTASS AND IS SOMETIMES UNBELIEVABLY STUBBORN BUT THAT'S TOTALLY FINE...

I HAVE THE BEST WIFE IN THE WORLD BUT SHE'S A BIT CRAZY AND SCARES ME -SOMETIMES

WALK AWAY ATHISA GRUMPY OLD MAN HAS ANGER ISSUES AND A SERIOUS DISLIKE STUPID PEOPLE FOR

SMARTASS DAUGHTER HATED BY MANY WANTED BY PLENTY DISLIKED BY SOME CONFRONTED BY NONE

I MAY SEEM CALM & RESERVED BUT IF YOU MESS WITH MY GRANDKID WILL BREAK DAFT LEVEL OF CRAZINESS THAT WILL MAKE YOUR NIGHTMARES-SEEM LIKE A HAPPY PLACE

I NEVER DREAMED I Would Be A SUPER COOL AUNT BUT HERE I AM KILLING IT

MY SMART MOUTH ALWAYS GETS ME IN Trouble-AND IF IT'S NOT MY MOUTH It's my FACIAL EXPRESSIONS

I'M SORRY I SLAPPED YOU BUT YOU DIDNT SEEM LIKE YOU WOULD EVER STOP TALKING AND I PANICKED