Quotes Funny (1216 Designs)

I'm not short, I'm just concentrated awesome.

Shhh... I'm hiding from stupid people.

When you meet me you think I'm quiet. When you talk to me you wish I was quiet. When you know me you get scared when I'm quiet.

If you don't speak to me, don't speak to my husband...

I will not water myself down just because you can't handle me at 100 proof.

I'm sorry I slapped you but you didn't seem like you would ever stop talking and I panicked.

I hate that I cry when I'm frustrated because people be thinking they hurt my feelings but I'm really just trying not to kill you.

I am a proud boss of freaking awesome employees. They are a bit crazy & scare me sometimes, but I'm the lucky one because I get to be their boss. Yes... they gave me this shirt and yes... they think this is funny.

I never knew so much love until someone called me Aunt!

The Auntie Code

I try to be a nice person but sometimes my mouth doesn't cooperate.

Stupid people are like glow sticks. I want to snap them and shake the crap out of them until the light comes on.

I'm not sugar & spice & everything nice. I'm sage & hood & wish a mufuka would.

Sarcasm is an art. If it was a science, I'd have my PHD.

I don't need an alarm clock anymore. My back, my bladder, and my knees all race to see who wakes me up first.

I can’t be held responsible for what my face does when you talk.

I don’t care how old I get. If I’m in a and I see a toy with “try me” on it, I’m pushing those buttons.

You will never find another me. Not sure if that’s a good thing or a bad thing but it’s the truth.

If I die choking on a gummy bear. Tell everyone I was killed by a bear and say no more.

I type b!tch into my GPS and guess what... I’m in your driveway. Beep beep.

If you think I’m a btch you are right. If you think I’m bossy correct again. But if you think I am gonna put up with your sht you got it twisted.

When I die I don’t want anybody at my funeral. I will come to visit you.

My mind says I’m in my twenties. My body says yeah you wish.

I’m on my second guardian angel. My first one quit and is now in therapy.

My husband thinks I’m crazy. But I’m not the one who married me.

If pooping is a call of nature. Does that mean farting is a missed call?

I did not trip! the floor looked sad so i thought it needed a hug

You think i'm mean you should meet the girl i gave birth to

I may be the black sheep of the family but some of those white sheep aren't as squeaky clean as they seem

My daughter totally got her attitude from me

I’m not clumsy It’s just the floor hates me, the table and chairs are bullies and the wall gets in the way

There’s no need to repeat yourself. I ignored you fine the first time...

I’m not clumsy Just the floor hates me The table & chairs are bullies And the walls get in my way

Admit it Life would be boring without me

There is nothing I can’t do except reach the top shelf I can’t do that

In order to insult me I must first value your opinion Nice try though