Quotes Funny (1222 Designs)

Grandma’s to do list:

Smart assy daughter. Hated by many, loved by plenty. Heart on her sleeve, fire in her soul & a mouth she can’t control.

Back off. I have anger issues, a serious dislike for stupid people and a mouth I can’t control.

I don’t live my life to please anyone. I don’t care what anyone thinks. If you don’t like me, don’t talk to me. Problem solved!

I see those penis enlarging pills are working. You’re a bigger dick today than you were yesterday.

Walk away. I suffer from that disorder where I speak the truth and it pisses people off.

Piss me off again & we play a game called duct, duct, tape.

I’m not an angry person. Stupid people just piss me off constantly.

Don’t ever piss off a short girl. They’re like cute, adorable tiny ninjas of death who are at the perfect height to punch you in the balls. Short girls are badass.

My aunt — the sweetest, most beautiful, loving, amazing, evil, psychotic creature you’ll ever meet!

Yes! I’m a spoiled daughter, but not yours. I’m the property of a freaking awesome mom. She’s a bit crazy and scares me sometimes. Mess with me, the beast in her will awake & they’ll never find your body.

Don’t bother trying to figure me out. Not even the little voices in my head understand me. It’s pointless.

I’m not sarcastic. I just have the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.

Admit it, you want to taste my wiener.

Sometimes you just have to turn around, give a smile, throw the match, and burn that fucking bridge.

We are more than besties. She is my accomplice and I'm her alibi!

Don't ever piss off a short girl. They're like cute, adorable tiny ninjas of death who are at the perfect height to punch you in the balls. Short girls are badass.

My momma didn't raise a fool. A fucking psycho maybe, but not a fool.

I don't need a weapon. I have a crazy grandpa.

I avoid shit because my temper can go from 0 to life in prison in 2 seconds.

Oh I pissed you off? Suck it up buttercup. I'm an asshole, it's what I do.

I need to work on controlling the look on my face when I'm listening to stupid people.

I'd rather be real and rejected than fake and accepted.

I'm a little smart ass, short and stout, here is my finger, here is my mouth. When I get all worked up, I will shout, piss me off and I'll cuss you out!

Sorry! My nice button is out of order, but my bite me button works just fine.

My momma didn't raise a fool. Maybe a psycho, but no fool.

I suffer from C.H.S (can't hear shit). I will "huh" the crap out of you.

My daughter is my baby today, tomorrow and always. You hurt her, I'll hurt you. I don't care if she's 1 day or 50 years old. I will defend & protect her all of my life.

Don't call me a bitch. I'm much more evil than that.

Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care.

Good women do still exist, but our stomachs ain't flat and we talk back.

I don't need therapy. I just need to see my grandkids.

I suffer from that disorder where I speak the truth and y'all get offended.

Rules for dating my niece:

I can be mean as fuck, sweet as candy, cold as ice, loyal like a soldier, caring like mother, badass as a bitch. It all depends on you, sweetheart.

Bitches be trippin'... Ok, maybe I pushed one.