Trending Funny Quotes & Family Apparel

Some of you came from the “If you stop crying, I’ll buy you something” generation. We came from the generation “If you don’t stop crying, I’ll give you something to cry about.”

I’m not clumsy. I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.

I’m not old. I woke up. I lifted my arms. I moved my knees. I turned my neck. Everything made the same noise: Crrr aaacckkk! I came to a conclusion: I’m not old, I’m crispy.

I’m not clumsy. I did not trip and fall. I attacked the floor and I believe I am winning.

When Mom says “no,” ask Grandma. When Grandma says “no,” call in the boss. That’s right... Great Grandma. Great Grandma’s rule.

This woman has fought a thousand battles and is still standing, has cried a thousand tears and is still smiling, has been broken & betrayed but still walks proud.

I never called you stupid, but when I asked you how you spelled Mississippi and you asked if I was talking about the river or the state, it just kinda caught me off guard.

Nobody hides pain better than a grandma that’s trying to keep everyone & everything together... Her family is her everything.

I want to be so full of Christ that if a mosquito bites me it flies away singing “There is power in the blood!”

Having a vagina doesn’t stop me from believing that my balls are bigger than yours.

Don’t tell me I haven’t got balls. I just happen to wear mine on my chest & I can guarantee they’re a lot bigger than yours.

I’m not short. I’m just compact and ridiculously adorable.

I’m a little smart ass, short and stout. Here is my finger, here is my mouth. When I get all worked up, I will shout... Piss me off and I’ll cuss you out!

Grandma’s to do list:

Smart assy daughter. Hated by many, loved by plenty. Heart on her sleeve, fire in her soul & a mouth she can’t control.

Back off. I have anger issues, a serious dislike for stupid people and a mouth I can’t control.

I don’t live my life to please anyone. I don’t care what anyone thinks. If you don’t like me, don’t talk to me. Problem solved!

Walk away. I suffer from that disorder where I speak the truth and it pisses people off.

Piss me off again & we play a game called duct, duct, tape.

I’m not an angry person. Stupid people just piss me off constantly.

Don’t ever piss off a short girl. They’re like cute, adorable tiny ninjas of death who are at the perfect height to punch you in the balls. Short girls are badass.

My aunt — the sweetest, most beautiful, loving, amazing, evil, psychotic creature you’ll ever meet!

Yes! I’m a spoiled daughter, but not yours. I’m the property of a freaking awesome mom. She’s a bit crazy and scares me sometimes. Mess with me, the beast in her will awake & they’ll never find your body.

Don’t bother trying to figure me out. Not even the little voices in my head understand me. It’s pointless.

I’m not sarcastic. I just have the balls to say what everyone else is thinking.

Admit it, you want to taste my wiener.

We are more than besties. She is my accomplice and I'm her alibi!

Don't ever piss off a short girl. They're like cute, adorable tiny ninjas of death who are at the perfect height to punch you in the balls. Short girls are badass.

I don't need a weapon. I have a crazy grandpa.

I need to work on controlling the look on my face when I'm listening to stupid people.

I'd rather be real and rejected than fake and accepted.

I'm a little smart ass, short and stout, here is my finger, here is my mouth. When I get all worked up, I will shout, piss me off and I'll cuss you out!

Sorry! My nice button is out of order, but my bite me button works just fine.

My momma didn't raise a fool. Maybe a psycho, but no fool.

My daughter is my baby today, tomorrow and always. You hurt her, I'll hurt you. I don't care if she's 1 day or 50 years old. I will defend & protect her all of my life.

Never push a loyal person to the point where they no longer care.